


No one told us which way to come, nobody mapped oblivion

by EponineTheStrange (gallifreyandglowclouds)



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallifreyandglowclouds/pseuds/EponineTheStrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lot of people asked me for prompts that all sort of go a lot like this: Karen reacts in various and sundry ways to Matt’s newly ripped and head-shaven look. Also Matt gets jealous because Karen is obsessed with Ryan Gosling. Yeah. That’s it. That’s the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No one told us which way to come, nobody mapped oblivion

karengillan2: MATT

smithereens: what kazza   
smithereens: i am almost more tired than i was when i’m doing who   
smithereens: i am only 30 percent awake right now   
smithereens: be fast

karengillan2: what  
karengillan2: the  
karengillan2: fuck  
karengillan2: did  
karengillan2: you  
karengillan2: do with your hair 

smithereens: shaved it 

karengillan2: i noticed  
karengillan2: mark my mind as officially blown   
karengillan2: also wtf with the scar dude 

smithereens: i fell a lot as a child   
smithereens: once i split my head open   
smithereens: that’s it 

karengillan2: ouchie  
karengillan2: when i saw that i wanted to kiss your forehead   
karengillan2: actually the top of your head

smithereens: i get the idea   
smithereens: so i miss you so much it’s stupid 

karengillan2: well aislinn and i are going to new york to see arthur   
karengillan2: for a moment we will be in the same country 

smithereens: are you serious? 

karengillan2: yeah   
karengillan2: would i lie to you 

smithereens: i have a break right now  
smithereens: ryan is in cannes so shooting isn’t happening   
smithereens: i will come 

karengillan2: i have tickets to a kanye west show while i’m there   
karengillan2: actually don’t come   
karengillan2: you can only come if you bring ryan  
karengillan2: he can be my souvenir 

smithereens: that sounds cool   
smithereens: i’m not bringing him   
smithereens: you’re going to have to deal with me   
smithereens: sorry kaz  
smithereens: but kanye sounds okay 

karengillan2: like i know you’re not a fan  
karengillan2: but it’d be fun to party together again 

smithereens: count me in 

karengillan2: alright  
karengillan2: i will see you in a few days   
karengillan2: i am very properly excited now 

smithereens: me too   
smithereens: there will be epic hugging 

karengillan2: in that case i might shower 

smithereens: you’re beautiful nonetheless  
smithereens: showered or not  

karengillan2: ….  
karengillan2: i’m blushing   
karengillan2: i’ll see you in a couple of days 

smithereens: can’t wait!

* * *

They don’t make specific plans for New York, because that’s how they tend to roll. It’s probably in large part the reason why Karen hasn’t seen a ton of Matt before going to Los Angeles - they like to talk about meeting in New York or London, but nothing specific happens and whatever abortive plans they’ve started to make fall through. 

But Kanye, though. Kanye will be fun, and she knows that he’s going to be somewhere there and that makes her incredibly happy. 

She puts the final touches on her makeup and outfit, and she and Aislinn grab a cab down to the concert, and Karen finds that she’s not any less dazzled by the lights and the hustle and bustle of New York than she was when she first saw the city. So she smiles and looks out the window like an idiot. 

Then again, knowing that she’s going to go see Matt makes her stupid happy as well. 

“Is Arthur going to make an appearance tonight?” Karen asks Aislinn, who is fiddling with her phone. 

“Nah,” she says, and the cab pulls up to their destination. “He’s pretty tired from rehearsals and stuff.” 

“Hmm.” She’s tired too, but it’s more a function of the eight hour flight that she’d just done a couple of days prior. Damned jet-lag. “I think it’s going to be an early night for me.” 

Aislinn turns to her and smiles before getting out of the cab. “No way, girl. Kanye and an open bar? I’m staying out until sunrise.” 

Of course, Karen hasn’t told Aislinn that Matt’s going to be there, and quite honestly her plan for the evening is to watch Kanye perform, and then find Matt and go have mildly drunken cuddles in his hotel room. She likes mildly drunken cuddles. She’s missed mildly drunken cuddles. 

Karen and Aislinn hit the bar when they first get there, and manage to elbow their way up to the front of the stage in time for Kanye to come on. They do their giggly girls-at-a-concert routine and they sing along when they can, but the Aislinn finds some of her friends and Karen is dragged along with them to a table at the back of the room so that they can talk and take pictures. 

That’s when Matt makes an appearance, and she barely recognises him - it’s mostly the hair. (Rather, the lack of hair. And the ridiculous elephant-sized ears. And the shitty lighting. All in all, it does not merit the crap that she gets later for not immediately recognising him.) 

“Can I take a picture for you guys?” He asks, and Karen turns to him and hands him her phone. When she’s peeking out from behind someone in the photo and gets a good look at their mystery photographer’s cheekbones, that’s when she realises it - it’s Matt. 

Once the picture’s taken (and re-taken several times on other mobile devices) she jumps away from the crowd and hug-tackles Matt so hard he nearly falls over. 

“Hey Kaz,” he says when they break apart, and he’s smiling stupidly. “How’s the concert?” 

“Wonderful,” she says, “but right now, we’re going to go back to your hotel room, raid the minibar, and you are going to tell me all about Ryan Gosling.” 

He rolls his eyes, but complies. Karen’s persuasive. 

* * *

“So,” Karen says, settling in on the obscenely comfortable bed in Matt’s Midtown hotel, “is Ryan Gosling fit?” 

He shakes his head as he pours them both a glass of wine. “I’d hoped you might ask about me, Kazza, but to answer your question, he’s quite fit. Polite, too, but that’s because he’s Canadian.” 

“Nah, he’s American!” 

“Nope,” Matt says. “He was born in the bustling metropolis of London, Ontario.” He settles in on the bed beside her and hands her a glass of red wine. 

Karen rolls her eyes. “Those colonials.” 

“How are things with you, Kazza?” 

She shrugs. “Ah, fine. Busy, I guess. It was nice to be home for a while, and then Aislinn dragged me back over here.”

“Yes, I bet she had to tie you, kicking and screaming, to a luggage cart in Heathrow just to get you to security,” Matt says. “I have never known you to resist a trip to New York.” 

“Well, she wanted to see Arthur, and I just decided to tag along,” Karen says. “I did miss my usual travel partner, though.” She looks at him purposefully. 

“I’m guessing that’s why our first IM conversation in months was you telling me that you were going to be here,” Matt says. He hasn’t really been looking at her for most of their conversation, and there’s a note of spite or regret or something that Karen can’t read in his voice. 

“Brooklyn wouldn’t be the same without you, Matt,” she says. 

He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but then he doesn’t, so whatever he’s decided not to talk about hangs in the air while they finish their wine. 

She sort of gets the feeling that she’s not terribly welcome at the moment, and that her plan for drunk cuddles is probably not going to pan out, so she should probably just head back to her hotel room instead of dealing with stupid Matt. 

“I’m going to head out front and grab a cab,” Karen says, sliding off the bed and grabbing her jacket and purse. 

“I’ll walk you down,” Matt replies, but she shakes her head. 

“I’ll survive, I’m sure,” she says. “I’ll text you tomorrow morning? Maybe we can go check out some of our old haunts, if you’re interested.” 

He nods. “See you tomorrow, Kaz.” 

Her brain sort of switches off as she takes the elevator downstairs, and ignores the look that the young woman at the front desk gives her as she walks past. When she finally has a moment to process the time with Matt, she thinks to herself,  _well that was fucking weird._

* * *

They meet the next day for lunch so that Arthur and Aislinn can have some breathing room, because that’s really why Karen and Aislinn are in New York in the first place. She’s a little hesitant to get together with Matt after the awkwardness that was the night before, but he gives her the name of a little coffee shop in Williamsburg and she finds that she really can’t resist. 

He’s there before she is, and she catches him sitting at a table in the window, looking every bit the Brooklyn hipster with a leather jacket on and his ridiculous aviator sunglasses on, even though he’s inside. Despite the fact that his ears stick out kind of awkwardly, the new haircut actually looks good on him, and for the first time (well, not the first time) she thinks that he’s actually pretty hot. 

The thought kind of bowls her over, and leads her to stand awkwardly on the other side of the street staring at him for a few seconds. He notices, raises one eyebrow, and then waves at her. 

“Fuck,” she mutters to herself, and waves back. She storms across the street and nearly gets run over by a taxicab. When she recovers from her near-death experience and looks back up at where he’s sitting in the window, he is laughing at her. 

“I think you need a jaywalking lesson, Kaz,” he says when she gets inside the cafe and sits down beside him. 

“Sorry,” she grumbles, “they actually ticket you in Los Angeles for doing it. I guess I am a bit out of practice.” 

“I’m going to get you to try and cross 6th Avenue against the light while we’re hanging out today,” Matt says. “If you don’t die, I’ll buy you dinner.”

She snorts at that, and a waitress shows up to take their order. Once she leaves, Karen leans across the table and rubs Matt’s head. 

He looks very confused. 

“I had to feel it,” she says. “It’s too strange. I’m so used to your floppy hair.”

He smiles. “Time for a change, I thought. Also, urban bullies don’t have hair like fifteen year olds.”

“It’ll be grown back by the time you shoot the Christmas special?”

He shrugs. “Probably. Moff doesn’t really care. If it hasn’t, he’ll put something in about Clara having held the Doctor down and given him a haircut.” 

Karen nearly snorts water out of her nose. “He  _wouldn’t._ Plus, I don’t think that would be what Clara would be holding the Doctor down to do.” 

He raises an eyebrow at that. 

“So other than hanging out with the most beautiful man in the world,” Karen says, as the waitress drops off their coffees, “how have things been with you?” 

“Busy. I don’t know. Shooting the 50th was a blast,” he says, “and then it’s a whole new thing doing this movie.” 

“It’s weird,” Karen says. “Anyone new on the scene? Or, knowing you and Daisy, anyone old?” 

“Nah,” he says. “Taking a bit of a break from that at the moment.” 

“Really?” 

He looks up at her, smiles in sort of a condescending way, and then nods. 

“Bet they’re not in to the Dumbo look,” Karen says. “I had never realised how large your ears are until quite recently.”  

“What do you think of the Dumbo look?” He asks her. 

She shrugs her shoulders and takes a sip of her coffee. “I’m ambivalent about the Dumbo look generally, but I think that you can pull if off.” 

“Oh good.” 

The waitress comes back with their sandwiches. 

* * *

They walk all over the city that day, taking advantage of the exceptionally bright weather. They start in SoHo, but find that it’s too crowded, and gradually make their way back north until they hit Central Park and then, as the sun starts to go down a bit, Matt decides that he wants to go back down to the Brooklyn Bridge and walk across it, so they get on the subway and go back south as far as they can. 

The bridge, oddly enough, is nicely devoid of all the tourists that usually clog it up, so they have a chance to look down the East River as the sun begins to set. 

“I’m thinking,” Matt says, “about leaving the show before series eight.” 

Karen’s shocked, because based on everything that he’s said in the media and in the few times that they’ve spoken in the past little while have strongly indicated that he was going to stay until the end of series eight. 

“Wow,” Karen says. “When?” 

“Christmas. I’ve spoken to Moff and Alex, and they both think that if I feel like the time’s right, then the time’s right.” 

“Man, the Babes are all off in their different directions now,” Karen says.  ”Fucking unbelievable.” 

“Time goes on,” Matt says. “Come on, I’m hungry. I’m going to go buy you dinner.” 

“I thought I had to suicide-jaywalk for that to happen,” Karen says, a bit confused.

“I like you,” Matt says, “so let me buy you dinner.” 

* * *

They end up at some super cheesy little Italian restaurant with gingham checked tablecloths and terrible red wine. The place has ambiance though, even if Karen thinks that the lighting’s so bad she can barely read the menu. 

Matt produces a sonic screwdriver. “The sound’s dead,” he says, by way of explanation. “They don’t care if I borrow the broken ones.” He shines the green light over her menu. 

“Thanks, Smithers.” 

They don’t really talk all that much through dinner, and Karen’s pretty stuck in thought - why would Matt take the decision to leave DW so suddenly? She’s very surprised - she knows that he loves the job, and as tired as it makes him and as much as it annoys him at times, he wouldn’t suddenly duck out of something like this. 

“Matt,” she says carefully, “I have to ask - why?” 

“Why what?” 

“Why are you leaving?” She says. “I mean, not that I stalk your interviews and stuff or anything, but everything that you’ve ever mentioned to the press says that you’ll be one through 2014. So why aren’t you doing that anymore?” 

“I wasn’t having fun,” he says, after a long pause.

“ _What_?” 

“It’s not that I don’t like working with Jenna - she’s a sweetheart, and I mean things are mostly the same,” he says, “but, I don’t know, after you went, it was so different, and it just wasn’t the same anymore. I mean, I used to wake up and think,  _wow, I’m super happy to come to work and i can’t want to do stupid stuff with Kaz,_  and then that part went away.” He leans back in his chair and shrugs. “I guess that’s all, really.” 

“Hold up,” Karen says, because seriously, that was a whole bunch of things that she wasn’t expecting. “You didn’t want to do it because Arthur and I were gone?”  _  
_

“I think you misheard me, Karen,” he says, and now she knows that shit is getting serious, because he nearly never calls her by her proper name when they’re talking, “I didn’t say anything about Arthur.”

Oh, that’s right, he didn’t. 

“Not that it wasn’t fun working with Arthur,” he says. 

There are a million little cogs turning in her head, and they all spit out the same answer, but it’s not something that she can believe, and suddenly she has a strong desire to get out of the restaurant and away from Matt  _now._

“I have to go,” Karen says, and gets up abruptly. 

“Kaz - ” he starts, but right now she needs some time alone so she just runs out of the restaurant. 

* * *

He doesn’t follow her, which is a good thing, because she’d do something stupid, like slap him, or kiss him, and she needs to approach the subject of Matt with a clear head. 

She starts walking north up Sixth Avenue, because that’s how she can get to her hotel fastest, and the implications of what Matt had said to her rattle in her mind.  _He’s leaving because he missed you,_ which somehow in Karen’s mind equates to  _he’s in love with you, or he was at some point._ And all the papers like to report on the sexy stuff, like Steven and Matt’s conversation about the fact that he wasn’t allowed to date Karen while he was on the show, but there’s nothing in there about what she’s been able to stuff in to a little box and hide in a corner of her mind and heart for a good eighteen months. 

She had the briefest bit of hope when she left, thinking that hey, now that they wouldn’t be breaking the rules as set out for him, they might have been able to make a start of sorts, but even though he kept on pretty much flirting and hanging out in her flat and wrapping his fucking wonderful hands around her waist but no, no he never really went for it. 

So she just gave up and went to Los Angeles and assumed that they’d be friends. But nope! There are feelings. And now shit’s just complicated. 

After walking for an hour (and she hasn’t heard from Matt at all) she makes it back to her hotel, heads up to her room, and hopes that she can spend the night watching crappy tube - but no, there’s Aislinn and Arthur, getting hot and heavy, and then Karen realises after she slams the door that she’s out of a place to stay, and that sharing a room with Aslinn was a really shitty idea and  _why could they not have gone to Arthur’s place?_

So she sits in the hotel lobby and plays Angry Birds until her phone is almost dead, and she feels like crying because now there’s this stupid thing with Matt going on that she’d boxed up for ages and now it’s all back, all the emotional crap and stuff and she just wants it resolved or gone. 

She figures that she at least owes him an apology for running out on him so quickly, so she hesitantly dials his number, and, probably against her better instincts, hits the call button. 

He picks it up on the first ring. 

“You okay?” He asks. 

“Yeah,” she says, “I went right back to my hotel right after I… well, ran out on you. I’m really sorry about that.” 

“I might have liked to talk about that,” Matt says. 

“Do you…” she asks, and she’s not really sure how to broach the subject, and she wants to not be doing this in the lobby of her hotel. “Matt, do you have feelings for me?” 

“Yeah,” he says, and then pauses for a few seconds. “I - I just - it all felt wrong, all the press stuff without you, and then I realised why - it’s because I didn’t want to be having the adventure without the person that I was in love with. It just wasn’t worth it.” 

“Fuck,” she whispers. 

“I shouldn’t have just dropped it like that,” Matt says, “but I wasn’t sure how else to deal with it Kaz, because I had hope and I thought we were dancing around something big and important, and then it just fizzled. And I wasn’t sure how to react to that.” 

“Me neither.” 

“Can you come over?” Matt says. “I’ll - I’ll pay your cab fare, or whatever. We can talk, and just figure shit out, okay? Or try to start to.” 

Her hands start shaking, but she feels oddly hopeful. “Yeah. I’ll grab a cab now. See you in about ten.” 

He hangs up. She walks to the door of her hotel, and steps out to hail a cab. 

 _Here’s to the rest of your life, Kaz,_ she thinks. 


End file.
